25 Jobs That Don't Require Much Effort

 

If you don't feel like working up much of a sweat, here are 25 jobs you will find most congruent with your level of aspiration.

1. Regional Commander of the Utah Coast Guard. Utah hasn't had a shore line since the first Ice Age.

2. Zoning Commissioner of cyberspace. No decisions needed on how to partition infinity.

3. Chief Elocutionist at a school for mimes. How many mimes slur their words, and how could you tell if they did?

4. Director of Noise Control at a monastery. Everyone has already taken a vow of silence.

5. Wealth Manager, Sisters of the Poor. What do you think a "vow of poverty" means?

6. Motivational Speaker at a cemetary. Why bother? Your words will just fall on dead ears.

7. Victory Acceptance Speech Writer for runners-up. Who would you thank, and for what?

8. Director of Inter-State Highways in Hawaii. Most people don't drive to the mainland (Amtrak isn't real popular either).

9. United Nations translator fluent in Latin and Pig Latin. How often does the Ambassador from the Vatican address the Ambassador from Anytown Middle School?

10. Vice-President of Anarctica. Not that many ties to break in Senate votes.

11. Maintenance Director of the lactation room of the Green Bay Packers. Even in dairy land, no player would be caught dead walking into this room.

12. Welcome Wagon Host at a federal penetentiary. Residents provide their own form of reception to newcomers.

13. Lead Singer in a marching band. It is not hard to lip-synch a tuba.

14. Chief Publicist for a crime syndicate. How many different ways can you say your client doesn't even exist?

15. Booking Agent for Osama Bin Laden. I'll bet you $25,000,000 he can't get a single gig.

16. President, Teddy Bear Anti-Defamation League. How many support rallies would you have to organize?

17. Script Coordinator, improv comedy troupe. These prima donna performers would rather just make it up as they go along.

18. Dean, M.I.T. School of Astrology. Your stars never allign.

19. Abacus Manufacturer. Haven't had a single order in 200 years.

20. Lead Baritone Instructor, eunoch choir. Face it, there is no way the guy can hit the low notes.

21. Loan Evaluator at a blood bank. No applications since Dracula became platelet intolerant.

22. Death Row Inmate Exit Interviewer, State of Texas Prison System. Not really much to talk about, now is there?

23. Chief of Nuclear Weapons Research, Principality of Lichtenstein. You have no budget, no staff, and no facility. Not even a Mission Statement.

24. The understudy to a barbershop quartet. Let's see; 16 notes per octave, and I believe there are 8 octaves. One guy who could cover 128 notes. If such a specimen existed, he wouldn't need the other three guys. 

25. Director of a Nudist Colony in Siberia. Business has shrunk to next to nothing.

 

I recently saw a great musical on Broadway, Jersey Boys. I read the show is now also on tour. It is the story of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons, the doo-wop singing group that began in the late 1950s. They were a gritty blue-collar group that came out of northern New Jersey. They recorded their earliest songs in New York City. If you like music of this era, I would highly recommend the show to you. The lead singer's real name was Francis Castelluccio. His signature falsetto voice is one notch below a dog whistle. A guy could really hurt himself trying to imitate this voice. Early in the show he tells his future wife that his stage name will be Frankie "Vally". She says to him, "Don't end your last name with the letter 'Y'--- Y is a bullshit letter. It can't decide if it's a vowel or a consonant." Everyone laughs at the pretentiousness of Francis, because the line is so true. People from that part of the country can smell it a mile away, and they are not reluctant to tell it like it is. The show is great entertainment: terrific music, clever dialogue, and an overabundance of East Coast hair dye.

 

* Any connection between the author of The High Society and the author of Psychology Applied To Work is strictly intentional.